Preparing for Christmas
I am pretending to be very unconcerned about Christmas coming. If I pretend hard enough I might just fly through it and it will be ok and I will not cry.
My pals have arranged to gather around and we are all meeting up on Christmas night to play charades and sing singstar and to vie for the new trophy to be won by the family who makes the best Christmas desert from a pre secretly designated continent chosen by tightly folded secret bits of paper from the tupperware bowl!
We have arranged our secret Santa and agreed we will drink all the left over Wedding Cava that is still sitting in the garage from last years winter wedding of the century extravaganza...and we will not toast my ex- friend or my ex-husband. My 'husband' for Christmas this year is not of course my real husband (the one Iwould like now to be legally my ex-husband) but Richard - my single friend and long time member of 4 Mary's extended grouping, Daddy to Erin and Hannah. He is quite into the idea and wanted to know if our festive coming together meant that he could put his hand down my cleavage from time to time over the course of the evening - (emm no Richard, as you are playing my husband on that night your role will be drink too much, oggle my female younger friends and let me go to bed alone later while you watch porn on Sky).
His girls were quite delighted and happy to have a me as a new step mum for the day. My girls are also delighted to have Richard as step daddy for Christmas - although if truth be told he's pretty much been in that role before over the years when he was my trusty nxt door neighbour in Murrell Terrace.
So hopefully all will be well and I won't descend into the veil of tears like I have done at every other party over the last few weeks.
Decorating for Christmas
I invested huge amounts of money in my wedding decor last year because romantically it was all going to be used every year for Christmas as a romantic memory jogger that our anniversary would only be two days away come Christmas day - aaaaah - so decorating the house for Christmas this year (my greatest love and delight) is not a thought I am living with easily. The decorations will look pretty much as flowers do at funerals, in wreaths, pretty, grief stricken and wasteful..but decorate we must and as this is the last Christmas we will have here in this house - it is going to be seen SHINING TWINKLING BRIGHT BRIGHT BRIGHT through Google Earth.
All the Christmas stuff is in the attic - husband liked things to be tidy and put away. It is of course his (was his) job to get it all down - my 5' stature and vertigo does not help when trying to get into attic and lug big boxes and Christmas trees down through the hatch and on to the landing below. I DONT WANT TO DECORATE THE BLOODY TREE THIS YEAR....but don't tell the kids.
Christmas Decorating for Someone Else Instead
I decorated my friends tree for him last night - I trudged round freezing festive twilight streets finding more tinsel and popping streamers and lights cause his collection was not of a sufficiancy to satisfy me - I am an extreme decorator - but he is a temperate man in pretty much many of his ways. He cancelled Christmas last year because he was sad then...but this year he gave me permission to bring twinkle in to his boy house. It was great - I had such a ball. This christmas tree has no attending emotional baggage or parcels around it - it was emotionally a virgin tree for me and it was just so very very very very pleased to have me fuss over it's little bare branches. Now it is a beautiful loved little tree and I am proud of my endeavour. We sat in its light and enjoyed pasta and prawns and talked of friends, lives and days passed and ideas for tomorrw and it was a very good night. And not one tear - not one.xx