I spent some time with a very wise friend last night and I shared with her that I would like to throw everything up in the air, put on a backpack and bugger off to India...really would. She told me that in my head she thought I was already on my way -cause going to India (which she has done) is all about exploring completely different and strange cultures, philosophies, ways of living, sights, smells and people overload - spiritual explorations and wonderment at the world in general - its about being out of your comfort zone and being part of somewhere completely foreign to what you know, and finding ways to relax into it - to become part of it and let go control. For someone like me who micro manages almost everything this made great sense to me...that's what I am doing - all control lost. And funnily enough it is great! I want to do more now - let go control, wonder, explore, meet surprise round every corner..find new ways...let go of old ways. OK so I can't go physically travelling yet - 3 more years of school for Sorcha and so much potential and talent therein. Her journey to that point needs to stay steady. But my inner journey is started and I'm not going back.
Funny or startling moments today:-
1. I was gobsmacked this morning to see the starlings in a huge V migrating away to hotter lands - it was beautiful. Made me say 'Oh Man' right out loud while going round a roundabout in grey bleak Glenrothes.
2. I found out how it must feel to do that big 'reveal' on extreme makeover this morning . Following starling moment walked proudly into senior management team meeting as the returned one - the one whose marriage crashed so spectacularly so unexpectedly - the one everyone there knew was going to drown in sorrow and anger....the one not seen for 7 weeks who might even have died - well in my head that was what was in their heads. Actually there I was looking HOT and together and absolutely a woman of substance in her prime - and basically no one was really interested except for me. It was my big moment - my return to that grey suited public service world in the sky to talk about culture and politics and other such yah yah yah and that's what we did for 3 hours. Oh God - its as if my never had never imploded and changed its direction to India at all!
3. I was invited to decorate someone else's Christmas Tree. This is a splendid turn up for the books. Having got married on the 27th December last year I had of course invested loads of money (I mean feckin LOADS of money) in the winter wedding decorations- the justification being that I would use them all for Christmas for all our Christmas's on ad infinitum..how romantic eh? So - I am NOT looking forward to decorating our tree this year or decorating the cold cold cold (and rather disordered) house. But to decorate someone else's - that's a dream. I get to indulge my decoration fetish and there is no emotional baggage. Hooray for friends!
Sorcha's Santa list grown alarmingly! Guess its time to hit the shops!
4. Country Music
Such times bring out such funny hidden things in a person. I have totally gone through all my music and have spent hours and hours driving around singing and harmonising (badly) to so much stuff I had forgotten to listed to - earl must die being my early favourite. However - some Weeks ago I discovered I had for some strange reason bought a 3 CD country compilation called - heart breakers - and yes - I though, worth the listen. Well a number of weeks ago out of 36 tracks there were 4 I could listen to and liked including achey breakey heart and your cheatin heart (see theme working there) and Sorcha would not get in or out of car if I was playing it in case someone heard. Well blow me - realised today the number of track I not only liked, knew all the words to and all the harmonies for had risen to about 20 - and they are shite - but they are great! I am now addicted to shite country music - see all control gone. Am going to go blond and have my top two ribs taken out so I can get that 20 inch waist -then I'm going solo - sod the other Dooh La Lallies - grand ole opera here I come
5. last but not least - I spoke by email to the man I named my first born after last night - he has just had a baby girl and did not return the favour - she called Rosie (what wrong with Katie Sneller?) Not seen him for 15 years - what a sweet fingertip contact touch - loved him v much and am glad he is good. Ah life is OK and there is a star hanging under the moon. Fab..of course this could be the onset of mania!!?
Kisses you'all xxx