Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Trying to have complete breakdown but it just isn't happening!


Breakdowns


Have a lovely colleague at work who has been asking me if I am OK or if I am having a breakdown? I of course said I was fine fine fine - and then she reminded me that I would be the last one who knew I was having a breakdown - coz I wouldn't be aware of encroaching madness and the effect it was having on my behaviour - it is other people who would notice and would have to deal with that!

Well thanks Babs! As if my self confidence wasn't already a little dented enough?

So I then cast my eye backwards over my behaviours this last little while and I reckon I come out clean...after all whats crazy about addiction to Face Book...public wailing on blog....setting up a grand tour of ex-flames and actually going on it....refusing to look at state of my bank account....drinking VATS of wine and then wondering why I am not feeling so sharp in the morning...telling beautician doing my nails who I have never met before all about everything...weeping loudly and copiously quite spontaneously almost anywhere for any reason, attempting to drive car into ex friend....and on and on and on....

Well, doh!!!! Damn it - am I having a breakdown???

However following girly worried sharing with Charlotte (tank rescue girlfriend) last night bout state of my mental health and how I may have been insulting, worrying, boring and tiring the entire world recently without even being aware I was doing it - we came to the conclusion that I am actually characteristically meeting this disaster in my life with my chin out and my fists up - but yes I probably am a little off balance, probably acting somewhat out of character in some circumstances and my normally impeccable judgement might be slightly impaired at this time. So - oooops! sorry!

However - all of that is nothing compared to the wanton self destructive rampage my husband has gone on - all to mark his 60th year on this planet in this particular life where he has clearly learnt nothing at all yet again. Apart from killing his marriage, ruining his comfortable life full of love and friendship, breaking everyones hearts... he has now also managed to spend the night in the cells, lose his right to drive for at least a year if not more..probably be made a public media scapegoat in January because after all he is a stalwart public figure of education in Fife ...possibly even lose his job. So that all helps Les - well done, you are on a roll pet. What on earth next?


Moving On


I have decided that the New Year will see the close of this chapter and this blog. The next chapter called 'The Unsinkable Ms Brown's Hints and Tips for Growing Ones Own Garden' opens more quietly, in a more measured, gentile and contained manner in 9 days. 'Measured, Gentile and Contained' - indeed the very words that come to mind when you think of me - mental or not!


So until then - I am going to keep shopping for shoes to go with my funky Christmas frock that makes me look like a citizen of Whoville, and being with people ...not alone, whether they like it or not! Christmas parties/gatherings everywhere, walks on the beach and lunches with old friends (friends!) all organised, cards written, Christmas menu agreed and prep underway, Christmas Day Secret Santa sorted, presents all bought and wrapped and today delivered to many doors before mulled wine partaken of down the road this afternoon and more ching ching merriment later on tonight.


Crzy Mad or not I am having a very busy Christmas!

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